Life is Beautiful!

to a new blog! Here is the link. Just thought i would try something new!
http://thecountrymom.wordpress.com/

Posted in: on Wednesday, July 27, 2011 at at 12:09 PM 0 comments  

Frankie is no longer with us. He was put to sleep on May 30th at 8:12pm

It happen so suddenly. Frankie was running around and playing with the other dogs on Friday and Saturday. It wasn't until Sunday that he was different. He was so lethargic. He had blood dripping from his penis. He hadn't peed all day. He wouldn't eat or drink water. And when he did drink water he would just throw it up. The crap he threw up ranged from a yellow/green color to a brown/reddish color. So he was throwing up his pee and blood. Frankie just seemed to get worse and worse. He barley had the energy to hold his head up. So Monday when we got back I called a few vets and finally Dr. McConnel said for us to meet him at the Gleenwood Vet Clinic, that he probably had a kidney stone stuck. Well he did. The stone was stuck. The vet could not get the catherter into his ballder. I can't even tell you home many times the vet tried to get the cath in, but the stone was to big. The stone had been lodged to long and it was causing his urine to back up into his kidneys, which caused his kidneys to fail. And because of this his nervous system was shutting down. It was so hard to watch. He was just laying there in pain, twitching uncontrollably. All the mean while I am sobbing telling Frankie that is ok. We are trying to help, to make him better and soon we would be going home. Well the Vet said it was too late after an hour of trying. He said that he could take a syring and drain the bladder and we could try to make it up to Woodbury to the emergency vet clinic but Frankie probably would survive. So Brad and I had to make the decision to put him down. He was in so much pain. I told him the it would be okay, that we would help him. So as he the vet administered the medication, I hugged him and kissed him and told him I was sorry, that I will see him again some day. And that I loved him and he was a great dog and I was lucky to have him. And afterwards, I was thinking that when he was looking at me in the car, it was like he knew. That he was telling me he was ready and that he loved me too.
We took him and burried him under the tree. We left him in his bed so he could be comfy up in heaven. I loved Frankie, he was my first baby. He was a great dog. He was just 6 years old. I got 6 wonderful years with Frankie. And I know he is up in doggie heaven playing with Oscar and I will see him again one day.

Posted in: on Tuesday, May 31, 2011 at at 12:47 PM 3 comments  

Yesterday I had a follow-up appointment with Susa. We talked about how the Provera went. I don't like the way it makes me feel. I made me feel tight in the chest and hard to breathe. Which I know I should've told Susa that earlier and not continue to take the drug, but I also knew that he would make be stop taking the Provera. So we discussed that and I was told if those symptoms happen again to call him or his nurse Kris right away. Still no period, but he said it could take up 7 days after I stop taking them to get it so I should have it by the 17Th. I honestly feel like I am the on the only woman on earth who is excited to get her period. Also, the Provera makes me have mood swings, nothing new :) But instead of the happy I get the sad and blah feeling a lot and the stupidest things make me crabby and/or sad. I don't feel like myself.

I am officially on a fertility drug. Clomid to be exact, 50 mg. It is an anti-estrogen pill. I tells my body that I don't have enough and to make extra of the hormone. The side effects are similar the Provera, there will be hot flashes and mood swings. And It ups the chances of multiples...7% for twins and less the 1% for triplets or higher. Brad and I only want to kids, but twins is better than no baby! I will take one pill day on days 5 through 9 of my cycle. Then for this first month I will go in on day 21 of my cycle to get a progesterone test taken to make sure that this drug made me ovulate. Susa wants me to do this for 3 months before we do any hormone testing and infertility testing, its expensive. He said that you really only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant every month. I'll take that, it is better than the 0% I was having with not ovulating.

That is all for now. I'll let you now how this goes and if I get my period!!!

Posted in: on Thursday, May 12, 2011 at at 7:48 AM 1 comments  

I am not entirely sure where to start. I guess I am going to start off by saying that this won't be the most up beat blog I have done and that I am mostly writing this for me. I read once that writing can be a great form of therapy. So I thought that I'd give it a try.

Brad and I have been trying to get pregnant for 8 months now and before that we were "if it happens, it happens" for I'd say 4 months. That means that it has been a year and I am not pregnant. Well, I was once, but miscarried. That was hard. I don't think I would wish that on my worst enemy. I wasn't very far a long, just far enough to know what was happening. It took us 7- 8 months to get pregnant with Sammie, so I wasn't expecting to get pregnant right away. Statistics show that something like only 25% of couple are pregnant within the first 3 months and the by 7 months 75% of couples are pregnant and that by a year 90% of couple are pregnant. Well hello.....why can't i be one of those statistics. Seriously, there are people out there that have kids and don't deserve them and people who are pregnant that don't even try. What was god thinking...I am ready and willing to have another child. To finish my family. Don't get me wrong...I love Brad and I Love and Adore Sammie like I never thought was possible. But I just feel like there is this tiny little puzzle piece missing from life.

I would say since January my periods have been what you call RIDICULOUS. They come and go as the please. At the begining I was having my period right on schedule and then 2011 comes and I have two periods a month and now in March I was 10 days late, but not pregnant. I got my hopes up so high that month when I was 5 days late, but then I took the pregnancy test...negative. You have to be freaking kidding me. Then it came and I have always kept track of my ovulating schedule to increase our chances. And in April I was so anal about it....We did it every other day for 3 weeks. Then period time came....2 days late no period.... 7 days late no period. I took a pregnancy test...negative. 10 days late...I call Dr. Susa and he told to me try to wait it out a little longer. More than likely it would come, just like last month. But last month At least I started spotting at 7 days. It was what Dr.Susa likes to call overflow. But this month no spotting. Since he told me to wait it out, I waited it out till we got back from the Dells. I didn't think about it once, not once. It was so nice not to focus on it...to relax and enjoy the family. I got back on Tuesday and I called Dr. Susa yesterday (by this point I am 18 days late) and he asked if I took another pregnancy test. Of course I did, i took one that morning...negative. So he prescribed my Provera to make me ovulate to get my period. And once I get my period I am to go in and we will discuss my options further and to some tests.

My options...are you fucking kidding me. I opt to be pregnant please. I want to complete my family. I want to have another baby. Susa said that I may need to be put in fertility drugs, but we won't know for certain till we do some test. And even though he put my on Provera that is no guarantee that I will get my period and ovulate. What the hell. If something is wrong and I can't have kids or we are going to struggle to have kids...what next. I am fine adopting, but we can't afford that now. It would be a couple more years and by then Sammie will be between 4 and 5.

Life sucks sometimes. I know that god has a plan for me, but sometimes it is hard to know what it is. Why will he let people who shouldn't have kids, have them. What plan is that? Why not me? Please answer me that. I don't feel like a bad mom. Is there something that I am missing?

Posted in: on Thursday, May 5, 2011 at at 10:05 AM 3 comments  

I did it! I asked for a raise and I got it! I am so proud of myself. It is scary going to your boss and asking for a raise, especially now when the economy isn't doing the greatest. But I did it! YAH ME! And it was way more than I thought it would be!

Posted in: on Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at at 1:04 PM 3 comments  

Yesterday on my way to work I followed a semi on to the freeway and the name of the company was "Mason Dixon"! How wierd is that. I have never seen that truck before and now with talks of trying again soon all of a sudden there it is. Our second child is going to be a boy for sure now. That was totally a sign!

* in case this is confusing Mason Dixon Spence is one of the boy names we both really, really like!

Posted in: on Friday, September 17, 2010 at at 10:33 AM 3 comments  

I finally got to go to "Monday Night"! It felt so good seeing these people! These girls and boys are like sisters and brothers to me and I love them oh so very much! I just wanted to let them all know that!

Posted in: on Tuesday, September 14, 2010 at at 1:00 PM 3 comments